I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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