you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
