4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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