I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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