At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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