Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
