I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
