It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
