she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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