Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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