Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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