Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Someone signed my nipple.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
