if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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