help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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