dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
