Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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