the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
