I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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