my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Randomize
