I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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