I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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