Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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