I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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