He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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