After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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