You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize