I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
