It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
