A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
