she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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