dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
