That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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