Your face is a jimmy john
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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