don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
