Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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