mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
