Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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