i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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