Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
