i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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