I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
