I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
