Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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