He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
