do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
