We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
