I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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