Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
