I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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