I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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