i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
