I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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