yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
should my penis look like a turkey
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
