took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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