Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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