Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
