Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
