it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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