Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
