pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
