so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
