i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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