That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drake has all the answers
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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