hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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