She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think people are normalizing furries
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
