So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
