Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
