you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
